You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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