Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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