Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
