So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
