just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
