we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
