Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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