i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
