Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
