I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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