My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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