if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my liver is dry heaving
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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