This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
