i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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