We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
