I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
