If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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