just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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