went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I want her autograph on my taint
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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