Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
