Ambien. No doubt about it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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