Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
