Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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