I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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