Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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