I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
