i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
