well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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