She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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