I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
