I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
