I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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