my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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