Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(

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(810): View more from Michigan

Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...

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(231): View more from Michigan

It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may

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(229): View more from Georgia

someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..

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