Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
