dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize