At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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