so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
