YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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