its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
