But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
