it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
