saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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