so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
