I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
40s are totally the cure
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
