Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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