no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
