these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
