The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
