can we get nightvision for the apartment?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
