there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
