Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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