Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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