if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The maid of honor just puked.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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