he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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