david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
