Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
