so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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