Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
