He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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