Nicole vs. Life
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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