im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
