Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
