Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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