I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
