this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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