my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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