Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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