my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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