Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
3 2 1 whiskey
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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