Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had to cum in my sink.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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