The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
