we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
